Nakadungaw si tim sa 2nd floor ng apartment nang mapansin ang matandang lalaki
na kumakaway sa kanya. Bumaba si tim at nilapitan ang matanda sa pag-aakalang
siya ay dating kakilala.

tim - Bakit po?
Matanda - Makikilimos po sana...
tim - Halina kayong sumama sa itaas
(Sumama ang matanda, pagdating sa 2nd floor...)
tim - Patatawarin po, wala akong pera.

amo: Aling Maria, dadalaw mamya ang mga kamag-anak ko mula
probinsya kaya magluto ka ng marami.
inday: Opo Mam! Anung luto ang gusto nyo, yung magtatagal sila
dito, o yung uuwi agad sa probinsya? =p

tindera: Suki, bili na kayo ng pakwan. Mapula at matamis.
(Nabitiwan ng tindera ang isang pakwan, bumagsak sa semento at nabiyak.)
kostumer: Sabi mo mapula. Maputla naman pala ang pakwan na tinda mo.
tindera: Aba, kayo man ang bumagsak sa semento, mamumutla rin kayo!

Lulubog na ang MV PRINCESS OF THE STAR...

PARI: San Pedro, San Jose...
MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara...
INTSIK: lubok na balko! tawak pa kayo pasahelo!

God answered his prayers
Nahuli ng titser na may kodigo sa exam ang pupil.
Teacher - Bakit may nakatagong papel sa kamay mo?
Pupil - Mam, prayers ko lang po yan.
Teacher - Bakit may mga sagot dito?
Pupil - Naku, sinagot na ang prayers ko!

A man wanted to buy bra for his wife but doesn't know the size.
Salesgirl ask : " Is it as big as papaya ? "
Man replied : " No "
Salesgirl : " an apple "
Man : " No "
Salesgirl : " ahh..an egg ? "
Man : " YES , but fried ! "

Boy: Daddy?? how did i come into this world???
Dad: listen carefully. Mom and dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restroom of the cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. when dad finished uploading. we discovered we did not use firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus!!!

MR DANILO: "I am your teacher, I am good in three languages."
PIKAW: "What are the subjects you're good at?"
MR DANILO: "Oh, I like Math and English."
PIKAW: "How do you say 'good morning' in Algebra?"

Teacher: Miguel spell horse!
--Miguel: H....O....
Teacher: Bilisan mo
--Miguel: H....O....R...
Teacher: Sabing bilisan mo
--Miguel: Ya! Tigidig!!!Tigidig!!! Tigidig...

Life depends on the way you think. For example, read this: Mypenisinhermouth.

What did u read?? My pen is in her mouth.

or did your dirty mind read something else???

Bakit exciting ang text? 1. Kasi pwedeng magpacute and pangit. 2. Pwedeng single ang married 3. Sa text bida ang sinungaling 4. Sa text bistado ang kuripot.

Ano bang problema mo? Tinatanung lang naman kita, minumura mo pa ako. Hindi naman kita pinipilit sumagot!! kung hindi mo na kaya eh di huwag na!!!!

--- TEST PAPER

when your lips are silent
and your eyes are closed
and your ears are deaf
it only means one thing....

may discount ka sa jeep

disabled ka friend!!!!
yabang!!! may discount siya!!!

Anak: Tay, nasugatan ako!!!
Tatay: Buti nga hindi ka umiyak.. Lalaki talaga ang anak ko!!!
anak: syempre naman po tay, sabi nga sa kanta ni Fergie, "Big Girls don't cry!!!"

Top 6 problems of highschool students:
6. Allowance
5.Assignments
4.exams
3. grades
2. instructors
1.papel

pansin mo??

Magsyota naglalakad sa park
GF: hon, naiihi ako
BF: ok.. dyan ka na lang sa damuhan...(habang umiihi kinapa kapa ni bf ang legs ni gf ng may nahawakan siyang mahaba sa gitna ng legs)
BF: Pucha!!! nagpalit ka ba ng kasarian??
GF: Ulol!! nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon... dudumi na lang ako!!!

With the current hostage problem in Jolo by the Abu Sayaf, here
are the mottos of different parties involved in this hostage crisis :

For the Army . . . . . . . "No pain, no gain."
For the Air Force . . . . "No guts, no glory."
For the Marines . . . . . "No fight, no surrender."
For the Abu Sayaf's . . "No ransom, no release."

For Erap . . . . . . . . . . "No read, no write."

Erap taking a bath nang biglang lumindol. He ran outside the
Beverly Hotel without his clothes on.

Guard: Mr. President! I think you forgot something...
Erap: Ay sh*t! Yung wristband ko!

The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist

Teacher - Renato, kilala mo ba si Jose Rizal?
Renato - Hindi po, Mam.
Teacher - Rowena, kilala mo ba si Jose Rizal?
Rowena - Hindi rin po, Mam.
Teacher - Wala ba sa inyo ang nakakikilala kay Jose Rizal?
Jasmine - Mam, baka sa kabilang section siya...